A friend of mine recently posted on Instagram a selection of phrases that have been said to her. One of the visuals she displayed said: “It’s on my bucket list to f*** a Black girl.” Unfortunately, this does not surprise me. As a Black female who has spent her entire career working in spaces dominated by (mainly white) men, the fixation of dating Black women has reared its ugly head one too many times.
Whether it’s being asked if I can dance like Beyoncé, or being forced to listen to some drunken male colleagues reveal their fantasies of wanting to have sex with a Black woman – as if the functionality of our vaginas will somehow grant them superpowers. These types of confessions are not only insulting but also boring. I mean, am I supposed to be impressed that other men, besides Black men, find Black women attractive? Are these men expecting a gold star or stupidly think that I’ll go along, as if sleeping with a man outside my race is the pinnacle point of my life?
Too many times friends who are Black, Asian, Thai, Chinese or any ethnicity that isn’t White, have spoken about how disheartening it is to look for love outside their race only to meet a number of men who only want to fulfil some childish wet dream.
I get that some women of colour don’t have a problem with being seen as ‘exotic’. It can be interpreted as being highly desirable. However, if a man cannot see past your skin colour or the stereotypes that have been played out in movies, TV shows, music videos and just about every other media platform, then don’t you have the right to ask if that person sees you as a human being? That both your qualities and imperfections should be equally accepted in any romantic relationship just like Becky’s. That your body is not to be treated like a science experiment, just because your hips, thighs or bum happens to be rounder or bigger than Karen’s (see what I did there)? That Black women also deserve love and marriage, and a fairy-tale ending, just like so many White women.
In 2020, interracial relationships should not be a new thing. Yet, the honesty of some of them can be questioned. Finding love within your own race is hard, let alone outside of it. However, living in a multicultural society it should be expected that many people will do so. The idea of kissing many frogs is something many women expect to endure before meeting the right partner. But it becomes exhausting if Black women also have to figure out if non-Black men really like them, or are simply looking for a sexual excursion they’ve either heard about or made-up from their own false narrative.
Sex is amazing. Even more so when both parties respect each other. Race should not be a factor. Black women are not androids created in a twisted inventor’s lab that have an ‘on switch’ allowing them to endure endless hours of fucking solely for the pleasure of men. Guess what… we’re human too. If our boyfriend/husband leaves the toilet seat up, don’t do the washing-up or doesn’t answer our calls after certain amount of time, we’ll complain just like any other woman. It is a sad day when Black women still need to prove their humanity.
And before you say anything, I do not believe all non-Black men think like this. However, I have listened to too many stories that sadly say otherwise. And as this blog is about social change, then this mindset needs to change, pronto. Not only does it leave another person feeling devalued, it makes it harder to trust the next non-Black man who may have honest intentions and genuinely just wants to date a Black woman that he simply likes – nothing to do with a fetish.
If you are, or know of, a non-Black man who thinks Black women are made in sex factories, then may I advise you to do two things. Keep re-reading this blog post until you change your mind, then pop down to your local sex shop and buy a blow-up doll. Both will be far more helpful for you and less damaging to others.